Update on Life
Hello everyone!
I know it's been a while since I've updated this site. So much has happened recently.
This update might have some triggering words, images, and outcome. Please only read if you can handle it.
So May 22nd I found out I was pregnant, May 23rd I surprised my husband with the news. We were ecstatic. I was having normal pregnancy symptoms, enjoying sharing our news, and generally enjoying being pregnant.
Unfortunately on June 29th, when I was 9 weeks and 1 day, I woke up with some spotting and some cramping. That afternoon my husband took me to the ER and they ran some tests.
They did an ultrasound and found my gestational sac was measuring 6 weeks 2 days. They found a yolk sac but no fetal pole, and the gestational sac was irregularly shaped. I was scheduled a follow up appointment with the on-call OB the following Wednesday.
That was the craziest week of my life. I prayed and worried. Felt peace, joy, and comfort. I was confident that they would find a baby at that next appointment. I felt pregnant, was having symptoms and didn't have anymore bleeding.
Unfortunately when Cody and I got to the appointment that Wednesday, the news was not good. My gestational sac had grown in the week to 8 weeks 6 days. The yolk sac had grown as well, but again they could not find a fetal pole.
*side note: I wasn't impressed with the ob. The ultrasound machine froze, and she spent more time getting it to work than she did scanning me.
Top Pic: Gestational Sac
Bottom Pic: Yolk Sac
The doctor explained to us that it was a blighted ovum, that at some point the baby stopped growing though the gestational sac did. My body didn't know that there wasn't a baby, and was still treating it as a viable pregnancy.
The doctor decided to send me home to see if I miscarry naturally in the next three weeks, and after that I will be able to see my regular OB for a follow up. If my body doesn't do what it should, I would be given Cyrotec to induce a miscarriage/abortion.
Unfortunately/Fortunately that next night I started spotting and cramping again. It was on and off until Sunday. Then the "floodgates" opened and I starting passing tissue. Emotionally it started to sink in Saturday night, but Sunday was one of the worst days of my life.
The pain was something I had never felt before. Worse than the time I hadn't had a period for 5 months. Add the emotional pain to it. Can you imagine? Do you know what it feels like to realize that the baby you had been praying for a year for, was gone? I know many, many women deal with infertility, miscarriages, stillbirths, and more, but it's never been personal until now.
Here it is, Monday morning and I decided to go to work. I was tired of laying in bed trying to ignore the emotional pain while dealing with the physical pain.
I do know that Cody and I will be okay. We will get through this with the help of our Family, Friends, and God. We will try again. We will get back up.
Maybe my body needed this in order to heal (no natural periods for over a year). Maybe my body needed a reset or a trial run. Maybe the lack of periods and ovulation caused the egg to deteriorate. Whatever the case, I think we will be okay.
Simply Me,
Rachel McAtee
